The good thing about today was, so far, that there was a sun out.
It probably makes me such a poor boring person, that the only good thing she has is a sun out.
You could only empathise me if you live in the country where you are deprived of it for a couple of months of year, or, in addition, you are from a country where it is not the case.
In my memory, “winter sky” means a clear, blue sky.
Now it’s grey.
While doing my daily routine of a walk under the blue sky, I did not necessarily think about the blue sky like this in my childhood. But somehow I came to think about me, with a certain, clear realisation.
That how incomplete I am, as a parent. When I was looking up that blue winter sky, I did also look up my parents. I did not imagine that behind their figure, they had anything like this withheld.
It’s not only about being incomplete, but also knowing that I am incomplete, whereas it was not supposed to be the case in the world I knew.
Perhaps my folks had it better figured out. They had a family with 10 years younger at the age than me, my father had a steady job (or even his own little business), a car, later on even a house, etc etc.
It’s impossible to even imagine that they had something un-solide, ambiguous, unstable like I have as for “where am I”, “what I do”, “where I am going”.
The only thing that I am sure is that, I did not feel that from my parents, and now I have that now, while trying to look as much as I can, that everything is OK, in front of my son.
I wonder how he will go about it when he is older. Is he a more complete person, or he has a similar realisation one day, like me, when he become a parent.
And what kind of winter sky he would have, to look up?
